I once sat Courtside at a Cavs game and shorter player was giving LeBron James fits. Lebron was readying to take the ball out right in front of me. I said to him, “Lebron, shoot over him! He’s shorter than you!”
Lebron turned to me and asked what I do for a living. I told him I was a lawyer.
“I don’t tell you how to be a lawyer.” he responded.
We all suffer the slings and arrows of those who would criticize. The virtual anonymity of social media has intensified this scrutiny by orders of magnitude. It is ugly.
The collective effect of all the scrutiny is to increase shame and fear for those who would try. Under this pressure, most people give up, because why not?
The people who come to be represented by me are a different breed. They are not immune to the judgment of others;but they do not let it stop them from trying to make things better for the rest of us. To represent these people, I had to figure out how to prevent fear of judgment from stopping me.
I found a speech given by Theodore Roosevelt at the turn of the 20th century. It’s called the “Man In The Arena” speech. It was the beginning of the industrial revolution and the wage gap between the rich and the poor was much like it is today. Bezos, Gates, and Zuckerberg were named Rockefeller, Getty, and Vanderbilt at that time. The poor factory workers were organizing and pushing back and facing judgment and scrutiny for daring to try and carve out their place at the table and make things better in the factories springing up all over the country.
Today, Wal-Mart and Amazon workers are pushing back, trying to make enough money so they don’t have to rely on food stamps on top of the work they do. Roosevelt was a hero to these workers, and he delivered them a message that rings as true today as it did then.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
If you’re not in the arena, your opinion does not count. My opinion meant nothing to Lebron James because I was not on the court. I had no idea what it took to be an NBA player just like he would have no idea what it took to be a lawyer.
My clients inherently realize those who would criticize their choice to bring a medical malpractice lawsuit have never been in the arena. They have never known the pain of losing a loved one because of the error of a medical provider.
They have never tried to live with the pain of knowing their husband, wife or child should not be gone. The pain of knowing that their child should be able to walk or talk or eat without a tube but never will.
More importantly, they have never had to live with the guilt of knowing that if they do nothing, these things are likely to happen to someone else.
People who don’t do what you do and still lob criticism deserve no room in your mind. Brush them away like dirt off your shoulder.
Every time I want to be critical of someone, I think of this phrase and I think back to my favorite book, “To Kill A Mockingbird” by Harper Lee. In the book, Atticus Finch tells his daughter Scout:
“if you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view […] until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”
For me, this is usually the opposing council. Many of my colleagues complain about tactics or theatrics or other behavior from their opponents. I try to put myself in the opponent’s shoes. What would it be like to be them? How do their actions look from their perspective?
I try to give my opponent credit for being in the arena and trying to help their client. This helps me stop anger or fear or shame from dictating my next move. It keeps me focused and usually provides a clear road map on how to get the best outcome for my client. In the words of the ancient Chinese philosopher Sun Tzu:
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.”
There is no greater fear than giving everything you have to something you care about and coming up short. The only way to defeat this fear is to know that it will happen and separate your effort from yourself.
A rejection of the product you create and present is not a rejection of you as a person.
If you can’t learn to separate these things, its hard to get back up and try again.
By separating what we do from who we are, we are able to learn from our defeats and get back into the arena.
My why is to make things better. The toughest part of my job is to decide which people we can help and which we can’t. “We can’t help everyone” are the four toughest words in my life.
When I get involved interring to help a family, I devote my time, stress, energy, and my money into making things better for them and for the rest of us. Each and every time, the effort has been and will be worthy in cause.
There is a sign that hangs in our office that says “Make the triumph of high achievement equal to daring greatly in failure.”
Simply put, that means separate yourself from the result. Did you try less hard when you failed as when you succeeded? The answer is no. When we are vested in a cause we deem worthy, we give everything we have. That’s winning. That’s why we have to treat the same every day, regardless of the result. It has to be this effort that drives and fulfills us.
Every time we have a chance to make the best choice, it is the right choice. The second best choice is the wrong choice. The worst thing we can do is nothing.
My dad always taught me that 90% of life is showing up.
The only true loss in life is not showing up when we are called. Sitting in the cheap seats and throwing potshots at those with the courage to compete is not brave.
That’s losing.
Having the courage to show up and be heard; to let ourselves be seen. That’s how we make a difference. That’s how we make things better. That’s what President Roosevelt was talking about.
How are you called? What is your worthy cause? How do you separate what you do from who you are? What do you use to bounce back and get up when you get kicked in the teeth? Leave me a comment. It’s nice to know that we aren’t alone.
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